I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
