you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
BRING THE BAGELS
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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