Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
