What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
