We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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