Sry I called you an 8
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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