3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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