where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
