last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
