he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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