I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
