They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
