I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
why is half of my head shaved?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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