AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
