I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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