I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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