Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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