How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
