She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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