ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
