Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
