I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
