return my video game
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
