Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Farmville is her only friend.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
