sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
