Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
