"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
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I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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