I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
