Your dad touched me again.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
