So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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