During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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