end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
