A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
it's like heaven, but drunker
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
