I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
