He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
barbara walters just said penis...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
