Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
