Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
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My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
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Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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