You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
