It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he quoted the bible to break up with me
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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