Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
