You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
