so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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