How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
