Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
All the doctor said was why
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
