I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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