These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
