im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
