well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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