Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
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