Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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