Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
