Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
