I just saw a hot homeless man
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
