You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Randomize
