I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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