it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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