Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
