You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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