2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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