I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
