please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
