i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
she pinky promised me she was 18
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Be still, my beating vagina.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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