Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
