Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
