Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
