I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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