omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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