Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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