Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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