I puked a lego.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize