At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
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