We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
