Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
