No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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