I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
