I'm passing your future prison.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
