Nicole vs. Life
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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