oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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