I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
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I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
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The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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