i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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