we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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