This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
This house was built for laser tag.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
