I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
