When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
