the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
