Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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