I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
