dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
