i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
