I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
