i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
