yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
