He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
