i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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