does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
