She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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